That's intense
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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