White coat. Heels.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
