I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
