my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You can't motorboat a personality
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
