I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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