well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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