i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
