Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
