At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
