i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
