you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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