nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
