And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
