He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
