fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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