I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
