I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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