i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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