so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
