Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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