I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
