he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
