You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sponge bath it is.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
