I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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