My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
