Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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