OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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