We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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