it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
