ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
