Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
