Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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