She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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