if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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