apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Houston, we have a squirter
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
