So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
