I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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