she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
