dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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