I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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