just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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