i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
