I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
