Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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