Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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