so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
