You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
