He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
