something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
bring money and cleavage
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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