hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
