just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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