is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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