he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
